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Cliques! Ugh! Someone once asked why I had a beef with groups. My response was cliques, especially adult cliques are dangerous! I know another person who belongs to one such gang recently told me I was jealous of their circle and wanted to be a part of it! Oh, dear Lord! Moi? Akua Dede As3mp3, wants to be part of a clique, on this planet? Yeah right! Laughable! Folk, the term clique does not even have a positive connotation. Unfortunately, the adult world is ripe with cliques in social and business settings. I say unfortunate because the human desire to be accepted, appreciated, wanted… the need to belong is in inherent in all of us. The problem is when those needs are mismanaged and subsequently lead vulnerable children, and adults to seek friendships and comradeship in the wrong places and with the wrong people. Look, we all belong to at least one group or more, the ones we are born into, and the others we choose. The groups, or should I say the cliques we accept can hamper our growth. We have several varieties of groups and cliques: some are benevolent, and others are just downright revolting! It is nauseating to realize that some of these cliques have been put into play decades ago and continue to do damage; high school, middle school, and elementary school have nothing on the real-life adult cliquing happens.

Per my observations and experience with members of cliques, on their own, that is individually, some clique members are typically friendly, courteous, and easy to get along. It gets murky when they band together, the danger is when they get into what I call, ‘clique mode’ or ‘clique control’. Why is it dangerous? In a social setting you will find cliques huddled together, with an appalling tendency to whisper about people nearby, and spread malicious gossip. Cliques are a social cancer in my view because, members are typically immature and exhibit rude and distasteful behavior, with an inability to grow and change. Members of cliques are incapable of independent thought and seek endorsements and praise from each other. I have witnessed adults struggling with a burning need to belong to some club or the other, putting themselves under immense pressure to get into a particular group to maintain a specific position. Cliques operate under exclusivity and whether in schools, work, or any social functions, they are unapproachable, uninviting and most times aggressive. It is disappointing and scary to observe adults holding steadfastly to their infantile clique mentality and behaviors they adopted in their youth. Cliques lead to so many social ills; ostracization and alienation from society. Many people are not part of circles because they do not fit into some social standard that has been prescribed by the group. This demand is akin to having certain material goods or having a similar socio-economic background: possession of a big house, ownership of assets and properties, luxury cars, educational experience as in the high school you attended, profession, and status in society.

Several people are not permitted to join the group because the group determines who is worthy enough to get in –meaning if you are not like us then you cannot join us. Cliques set the stage for disagreements and shaming. The “If you are not like us, if you do not belong to our clique then you must be made fun of, hurt, gossiped about, or eliminated” attitude. That old school mentality of fitting into a box… For my life, I cannot fathom why an adult would want to meet a specific mold and become a puppet to belong? Can we say unhealthy? Sheeeesh!

To sum up, ADULT CLIQUES ARE DANGEROUS! FLEE! FLEE! FLEE from adult cliques! Oh wow! I just remembered another salacious topic worth mentioning, TOXIC FRIENDS/FRIENDSHIPS… Interested? As3m3p3 will not disappoint, look out for the next blog…


  1. Yup! You summed it up nicely. If I am not good enough for your clique, I am definitely not good enough to be your friend. Simple

    1. Dr. Wright! BAM!!!

      Please read Loretta Asiedu’s response! I love it!

      My dearest Twinniebooooooooooo….???you got me there?
      You know I am a bit too intense with my beliefs so I try to just keep them ( on the fence???)
      But truth be told, I have always believed in this: be yourself, be unapologetically you, and then find your people…I believe in not diluting myself just to fit into anyone’s circle..I believe in cultivating friendships whilst respecting my privacy and understanding that not everyone deserves a seat at my table of life..
      I believe that being part of a clique is a personal choice and anyone should be free to listen to their inner leanings…however, when it stretches to the extent that your membership imprisons you and disables you from cultivating potential longer lasting and more rewarding external partnerships, I think that’s where you cede the center stage of your own life for others to control…in this context, natural performers (???)would obviously not give their stage away…ever..
      Einstein wrote, and the defense rests thereafter : “the woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd… but the woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before…” I think that woman exists in all of us deep down…it just takes guts to be her..

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